Confucius on Yoga (no matter where you yoga, there you are.)
Bet you didn’t know that Confucius was a practitioner. He rocked his yoga mat hard. This is precisely why he was so wise. He also hid things in his beard to eat at a later date, but that’s beside the point.
I’ve done some serious digging — as in, excavation style — and I have uncovered a historic gem: Confucius’ Yoga Scrolls. Daily dollops of yogic wisdom from the C-man himself.
Behold! It unfolds…
Confucius on Yoga (translated by Y is for Yogini):
- She who practices, but does not preach, has excellent trap on piehole. She who preaches, but does not practice, is hypocritical douche.
- Yogi who keep his feet on ground have trouble putting on yoga pants.
- Study as if you were never to master yoga. Because you won’t, silly f*cker.
- Wise yogini never take Urdhva Dhanurasana atop car like video ho.
- Thought without practice is fruitless daydreaming. Practice without thought often ends in trip to hospital.
- You cannot open a yoga book without learning some shit you’ll never be able to do. And many things you can.
- Dumb yogi climb tree to get apple. Smart yogi take Tree Pose and manifest apple.
- Camel = good pose. Camel Toe = uncomfortable pose.
- It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not drool.
- The superior yogi take Handstand when class in Balasana. Look like poop head.
- Yoga unto others as you would have yogaed unto you.
Drink these in. Let your prana rise. Spread what Confucius say.
artwork credit: toonpool.com, with a yoga addition by YIFY
haha!! this is awesome! great translation wise Lo
Thanks for the pearls of wisdom.
One word – brilliant! :)
Oh my, that Confucius guy was really ahead of his time, I didn’t know “hypocritical douche” and “f*cker* were already in use in his time.
Oh wait, he’s the one who came up with these, right?
Learning something every day :)
Lo, u done it grrrrl.. Confucious would high five you, wink and then get u ass in a pretzel! hugs!
These are great! I might make the tree pose one my mantra. ;)
Ha! I needed that today!! HYSTERICAL!! Lo, you never cease to amaze me!! ;0)
Lo, if I only had a tenth of your wit I’d be SO happy! This is CRAZY beautiful HILARIOUS awesome!
love this post! got a good laugh : )
great blog – glad i found it. i’m your newest gfc follower.
til next time,
love it, Lo. these are absolutely fantastic :)
lmao!! you’re the best!
You missed one! I found a tiny scrap of the manuscript (you left if behind while flying over Australia in Hanumanasana) and here’s the translation, or as close as I can get it anyway:
Older hot yoginis will be known as yougars! Yeah, baby!
Nicely written. Cheers for the giggles.
“Study as if you were never to master yoga. Because you won’t, silly f*cker.”
I love it. :) So glad you found and translated these precious scrolls!
Hahahahahaa!! You just made my day!! :D
I’m manifesting my apple! Awesome post and awesome comments! Yougar baby!
Not for anything, but being of the more Tantric persuasion, I kinda favor the Taoists, Lao Tzu and Chuang Tzu. They are very much opposed to the formalism and hierarchy of the Confucians. Apropos of this month’s Yoga Journal, I kept thinking “The sound of water says what I think.” (Chuang Tzu). But then again, such teaching is perhaps a “useless tree.” http://wp.me/p1liiv-2i
I can always count on you, chica. I wonder over here and it is such a wonderful pick me up on a dreary day!
Awesome post super funny