5 shocking real life things your guru/teacher/idol does

- - Inspiration

ice cream cone pooping

Pedestalization is dangerous. I speak figuratively, however let it be acknowledged that literal pedestaling comes with hazards of its own. Were Michelangelo’s David’s wang to fall upon your innocent head, you wouldn’t soon forget the experience.

These days, it would seem that d*cks are tumbling down, down, down from their podiums everywhere we turn. Yogic, religious, political, corporate, scholarly. Ouch! But it only hurts if you raised them above yourself in the first place…or sought the shade of solace from something other than your Self.

I feel compelled to help. We’re ALL on the same playing field (we should be playing for the same team). And I can prove it. Read this, think of this, when you need a reminder.

5 Real-Life Things Your Yoga Teacher Does:

  1. POOPS. If this horrifies or perplexes you, please peruse Everyone Poops. All that once was muddy will become crystal clear.
  2. PUTS PANTS ON ONE LEG AT A TIME. This, despite what you’ve read re: superhuman abilities in any translation of Patanjali’s Sutras. Your teacher also misses the leg hole, wobbles, hops around, and may even topple over in a most ungainly fashion. Just. Like. You. Do. (And even if their garb is of the robely sort, you can be sure that, on occasion, it gets headstuck the way your favorite tight sweater is wont to do.)
  3. HICCUPS, PASSES GAS, YAWNS, and BURPS. Involuntary and spasmodic, 1.9 liters per day, the average one being 6 seconds, and 5,110 times a year, respectively.
  4. LAUGHS. Probably after they recalled one of your accidental and idiotically comedic moments in class. (They store those up for later entertainment replay, you know.) Either that, or perhaps they were reading a YIFY post.
  5. OPENS THE FRIDGE FOR NO GODDAMN REASON. And stares blankly at the vast, gaping, chilled, softly humming hole. Wondering what the f*ck they’re looking for, anyway.


YOU are your own best, most divine teacher. And don’t you forget it.

artwork credit: I Love Doodle

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soothsayer. illusion slayer. intj/mastermind. writer + artist + strategist + innovator. california born, city of angels bred. gypset world traveler. la face with an oakland booty. queen of the jungle who doesn't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep.

15 Comments to 5 shocking real life things your guru/teacher/idol does

  1. One of my teachers, Cate Stillman, in her YogiDetox work, actually will talk to us about poop. It’s an Ayurvedic thing. So this comes as no surprise.

  2. Haha! Very good. It’s true: our teachers are human. If they weren’t they wouldn’t be on this plane with us reminding us what it is to BE human! I say this as a yogi, yoga teacher and human.

  3. E – glittah partayyy! :D missed you!
    Carrisa – i am honored to do so. ;) love, love, love.
    Maria – girl, i missed you, too. back AND ballin.’
    Richard – this comment made me laugh. love a guy who can serve it up.
    Dyamond – lovely girl, so good to read your words!
    Pat – :D
    Chang – wise man, wise words.
    Mischelle – i’m thinking that book REALLY gets everyone in the mood! xo
    Natalie – i should turn yoga pap and get scandalous photos of this!

  4. Amen sista! My Motto: The Self is the Guru

    I just read a whole chapter on this in Donna Farhi’s “Bringing Yoga to Live”.

    And a BIG WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE for you! You’re my Guru too but I promise not to have you on a pedestal ♥♥♥

  5. And stares blankly at the vast, gaping, chilled, softly humming hole.

    Okay. I’m going to have to bust out a serious contemplation on this one. I might not get back for a while. I’m goin in…