Pedestalization is dangerous. I speak figuratively, however let it be acknowledged that literal pedestaling comes with hazards of its own. Were Michelangelo’s David’s wang to fall upon your innocent head, you wouldn’t soon forget the experience.

These days, it would seem that d*cks are tumbling down, down, down from their podiums everywhere we turn. Yogic, religious, political, corporate, scholarly. Ouch! But it only hurts if you raised them above yourself in the first place…or sought the shade of solace from something other than your Self.

I feel compelled to help. We’re ALL on the same playing field (we should be playing for the same team). And I can prove it. Read this, think of this, when you need a reminder.

5 Real-Life Things Your Yoga Teacher Does:

1. POOPS. If this horrifies or perplexes you, please peruse Everyone Poops. All that once was muddy will become crystal clear.
2. PUTS PANTS ON ONE LEG AT A TIME. This, despite what you’ve read re: superhuman abilities in any translation of Patanjali’s Sutras. Your teacher also misses the leg hole, wobbles, hops around, and may even topple over in a most ungainly fashion. Just. Like. You. Do. (And even if their garb is of the robely sort, you can be sure that, on occasion, it gets headstuck the way your favorite tight sweater is wont to do.)
3. HICCUPS, PASSES GAS, YAWNS, and BURPS. Involuntary and spasmodic, 1.9 liters per day, the average one being 6 seconds, and 5,110 times a year, respectively.
4. LAUGHS. Probably after they recalled one of your accidental and idiotically comedic moments in class. (They store those up for later entertainment replay, you know.) Either that, or perhaps they were reading a YIFY post.
5. OPENS THE FRIDGE FOR NO GODDAMN REASON. And stares blankly at the vast, gaping, chilled, softly humming hole. Wondering what the f*ck they’re looking for, anyway.

YOU are your own best, most divine teacher. And don’t you forget it.

artwork credit: I Love Doodle

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