Speaking. Listening. Today has been an ear/mouth/eye-opening experience in both. The Universe has been sending me direct messages this day and I am now at attention.
On Twitter, Hugger Mugger asked, “What’s your inner monologue? And how does observing it begin to create positive change?” I sent off an honest response of, “My inner monologue reads like an angry football coach.” And it does. I didn’t ruminate on this much, although I’m working on it, it still follows me around like a mean security blanket.
In Kundalini, the Universe struck again! Part deux. We were holding Vrksasana at great length. The girl in front of me (who also happens to be in my YTT) fell out of it again and again. She was visibly frustrated with herself. Anger, dismay, and vexation took shape in her body and her movements. At one point, she stamped her foot.
I watched her and thought, “Yes. This is familiar. I’m much more stealth about chastising myself, but I do that, too.” I had the strong urge to touch her arm and say, “Hey, it’s ok. You’re just having an off-balance day. Everyone does. Tomorrow will be better. Give YOU a break and be kind to yourself.”
Act III was this evening. My mind began connecting the day’s pearls, stringing them together, making sense and seeing a pattern. After I watched the movie in my brain of the girl in class again and heard my imagined dialogue to her, I had a startling thought. I had empathy and kind words for a girl who has never been particularly friendly to me. My dialogue for her was genuine and caring. And here I am, supposed to be my own most-important-person, and I can’t talk to myself without expletives, harsh criticism, and verbal face-slaps. Ouch! There is something terribly wrong with this picture.
Speak Sweetly To Yourself
Which brings me to now, this moment. I’m vowing to use kinder self-talk. To say things to me with the love and understanding I’d show those I love most. It won’t be easy. The Coach is holding firmly to her clipboard, ready to tongue-lash me into submission. To her I say, “Let’s tangle b*tch. You can’t talk to ME like that!”
How is your self-talk? Do you practice Ahimsa with your internal dialogue or could you be a little sweeter to yourself?
photo credit: lips like my sugar walls