Bet you didn’t know that Confucius was a practitioner. He rocked his yoga mat hard. This is precisely why he was so wise. He also hid things in his beard to eat at a later date, but that’s beside the point.
I’ve done some serious digging — as in, excavation style — and I have uncovered a historic gem: Confucius’ Yoga Scrolls. Daily dollops of yogic wisdom from the C-man himself.
Behold! It unfolds…
Confucius on Yoga (translated by Y is for Yogini):
- She who practices, but does not preach, has excellent trap on piehole. She who preaches, but does not practice, is hypocritical douche.
- Yogi who keep his feet on ground have trouble putting on yoga pants.
- Study as if you were never to master yoga. Because you won’t, silly f*cker.
- Wise yogini never take Urdhva Dhanurasana atop car like video ho.
- Thought without practice is fruitless daydreaming. Practice without thought often ends in trip to hospital.
- You cannot open a yoga book without learning some shit you’ll never be able to do. And many things you can.
- Dumb yogi climb tree to get apple. Smart yogi take Tree Pose and manifest apple.
- Camel = good pose. Camel Toe = uncomfortable pose.
- It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not drool.
- The superior yogi take Handstand when class in Balasana. Look like poop head.
- Yoga unto others as you would have yogaed unto you.
Drink these in. Let your prana rise. Spread what Confucius say.
artwork credit: toonpool.com, with a yoga addition by YIFY