Confucius on Yoga (no matter where you yoga, there you are.)

- - Inspiration

confucius graffiti

Bet you didn’t know that Confucius was a practitioner. He rocked his yoga mat hard. This is precisely why he was so wise. He also hid things in his beard to eat at a later date, but that’s beside the point.

I’ve done some serious digging — as in, excavation style — and I have uncovered a historic gem: Confucius’ Yoga Scrolls. Daily dollops of yogic wisdom from the C-man himself.

Behold! It unfolds…

Confucius on Yoga (translated by Y is for Yogini):

  • She who practices, but does not preach, has excellent trap on piehole. She who preaches, but does not practice, is hypocritical douche.
  • Yogi who keep his feet on ground have trouble putting on yoga pants.
  • Study as if you were never to master yoga. Because you won’t, silly f*cker.
  • Wise yogini never take Urdhva Dhanurasana atop car like video ho.
  • Thought without practice is fruitless daydreaming. Practice without thought often ends in trip to hospital.
  • You cannot open a yoga book without learning some shit you’ll never be able to do. And many things you can.
  • Dumb yogi climb tree to get apple. Smart yogi take Tree Pose and manifest apple.
  • Camel = good pose. Camel Toe = uncomfortable pose.
  • It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not drool.
  • The superior yogi take Handstand when class in Balasana. Look like poop head.
  • Yoga unto others as you would have yogaed unto you.

 

Drink these in. Let your prana rise. Spread what Confucius say.

artwork credit: toonpool.com, with a yoga addition by YIFY

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soothsayer. illusion slayer. intj/mastermind. writer + artist + strategist + innovator. california born, city of angels bred. gypset world traveler. la face with an oakland booty. queen of the jungle who doesn't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep.

21 Comments to Confucius on Yoga (no matter where you yoga, there you are.)

  1. Oh my, that Confucius guy was really ahead of his time, I didn’t know “hypocritical douche” and “f*cker* were already in use in his time.
    Oh wait, he’s the one who came up with these, right?

    Learning something every day :)

  2. You missed one! I found a tiny scrap of the manuscript (you left if behind while flying over Australia in Hanumanasana) and here’s the translation, or as close as I can get it anyway:

    Older hot yoginis will be known as yougars! Yeah, baby!

  3. “Study as if you were never to master yoga. Because you won’t, silly f*cker.”

    I love it. :) So glad you found and translated these precious scrolls!

  4. Not for anything, but being of the more Tantric persuasion, I kinda favor the Taoists, Lao Tzu and Chuang Tzu. They are very much opposed to the formalism and hierarchy of the Confucians. Apropos of this month’s Yoga Journal, I kept thinking “The sound of water says what I think.” (Chuang Tzu). But then again, such teaching is perhaps a “useless tree.” http://wp.me/p1liiv-2i

  5. I can always count on you, chica. I wonder over here and it is such a wonderful pick me up on a dreary day!

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