“Do you teach yoga?”
Or some variant thereof. (i.e., Where do you teach? Are you teaching yet? Why aren’t you teaching?)
My answer has become pull-string. “Well, I’ve completed 200 hours of teacher training and have been practicing since age 15, but I never had any intention of teaching. I did YTT for me, for the journey.”
That’s the short answer. This is the long, FUN, REALEST one.
6 Reasons I Don’t Teach Yoga:
- “Fuck” makes guest appearances with fervent frequency and most gleeful intonation in my verbal voyages. It is localized color that would not be appreciated in your run-of-the-mill class.
- I have ZERO patience for the following personalities: show-offs, drama kings and queens, selfish bitches, and self-important cockadoos. Life is too short to expend the massive energy required for douchebag tolerance.
- I take neat-freakiness and organization to a whole ‘notha level. A typical class would include 30 minutes of mat-straightening, mat/student alignment, and studio/hand/foot sanitizing. There would also be a lecture portion covering yoga etiquette.
- I’d want to have (mis)adventures with students. Laugh. Dance around. Talk shit + smack. Turn ‘em out with some sick sequencing. I wouldn’t want to: give adjustments, worry they’ll hurt themselves, or be expected to listen to tales of woeful injuries and physical ailments. Perhaps this makes me sound like a cold bitch, but you aren’t here for snuggles and binkies. You’re here for truth.
- There’s no way I could walk around a room for 90 minutes without hip-hop or 70s rock to fuel me…and it is my personal experience that yoga is best served without music. So you can hear your breath. Conundrum.
- I’m not a touchy-feely broad. Never will be. Please don’t make me touch people.
Et tu? If you could teach, but don’t, what are your reasons for not doing so? And if you already teach, where do the “fuck”‘s go? Do you bottle them up for usage at home? And what about all the annoying people crammed into one room? The feeeeelings? The only logical answer is your patience is akin to that of Mother Teresa. Unlimited. Bless you, teachers.
Keepin’ it realio on the YTT-lio.